UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE OF A CHILD AS A BASIS OF HARMONIOUS PARENT-CHILD RELATIONS

Abstract

Harmonious parent-child relationships are determinant in the formation of emotionally stable, viable, creatively oriented personality of the child with positive-constructive mentality concerning the oneself and the world around, capable to self-determination and self-realization. The development of a psychologically healthy child occurs in a favorable psychological climate in the family (harmonious relationship between parents and the parents with the child), in an atmosphere of love, security, acceptance, trust, respect and freedom of choice.

The purpose of the article is to reveal the features of relationships between parents and their child in a situation of acceptance-rejection.

The supreme act of love in a parent-child relationship is unconditional love. Accept the child definitely means to love him simply for what he is as he is. The child should feel that he is beloved for his parents regardless of his assessments, successes, failures, behavior, presence or absence of talent and so on. The acceptance means to take the child’s right for his individuality, his unlikeness with the others, as well as with his parents. To accept the child means to give him the right to be oneself without any changes. To give the child the right for his own behavior, his own negative features, his own point of view, interests and dreams. The acceptance doesn’t mean tolerance; it’s an understanding of the fact that the parents’ duty doesn’t consist of «redoing» the child, but of acceptance him as he is. It is the absolute acceptance of the child with all his positive and negative features.

When a child becomes a «self-being» as an extraordinary instrument of conducting his behavior he feels the acceptance or non-acceptance on the side of relatives and important people. This becomes his relation to himself and turns to deep acceptance or non-acceptance of oneself. The child who accepts oneself is sure in oneself, he believes oneself and this belief gives him the basis in the taking the decisions and in coming over the hardships. And the child who doesn’t accept oneself hasn’t such a basis; he is dependent of thoughts and attitude of the surroundings, needs constant positive assessments which points out his value. Thus such a child is easy to manipulate with, to take in leading-strings; in fact he refuses his self-sufficiency and tries to find the authority leader (mental or ideological) and lets him take the most important decisions

for his life.

The upbringing is often built on the mechanism of the conditional acceptance.

The upbringing mechanism of the conditional acceptance works approximately as follows: an adult puts a child who behaves badly aside — impulsively or in bringing-up process: cries, lets the voice grow, and punishes him. The child feels badly, tries to turn back the adult’s acceptance and begins to behave right and good, and gets for that the wished — conditional — acceptance. The adult’s evaluation influence encourages the child to behave properly and makes him flexible to up-bringing. At the same time such influence lays in the child self-conciseness, personal dependence, secrecy, hypocrisy and future neuroses.

The reasons for parents’ rejection of the child are as follows: parents’ poor self-perception; unwanted conception and birth; discrepancy of the parents’ ideas about the ideal image of a child and the real child; settings on education. The unconditional acceptance of the child begins with the parents’ unconditional acceptance of themselves. Parents’ non-acceptance of themselves originates from their own childhood when their parents tried to over-bring them up. In adulthood parents continue to see a number of shortcomings that need to change to be perfect. They seek a way of personal development, when a person takes oneself with his strengths and weaknesses, limitations and talents. Each person has one’s own pace, cycles, objectives, goals of development. When parents are aware of their own personality then they begin to see individuality in their child. Parents allow themselves to be themselves and take the child as it is. The basis of unconditional acceptance is to give the child the right of being oneself, to have his own personality and differ from his parents. It is important that parents are able to feel and transmit the sincere acceptance of their child. Parents’ acceptance of their child’s is an important factor in creating a relationship in which the child can develop oneself, self-implement, change oneself constructively, learn to solve difficulties, be creative, and actualize his inner potential. This will contribute to the psychological health of the child. It’s important for parents to be natural, sincere in dealing with children and abandon the false acceptance. Because of false acceptance the child feels his parents do not behave naturally, they are not sincere, and the trust is lost.

Thus, the defining measure of parents’ unconditional acceptance of their child is the internal feeling of being beloved. When a child is sure that the others love him he develops harmoniously. Therefore, harmonious parent-child relationships are based on acceptance. Parents’ acceptance of themselves and of the child as he is.